I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
If we're stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
We live our loves on different sides...

"Stigmatized", The Calling

Está bem, eu sei que errei... sei que exagerei, sei que fui dramática... e não vou ter desculpas, a não ser o importante fato de que eu só soube a verdade ontem... eu só senti a sinceridade que eu gostaria ontem.

Estava triste, estava cansada e estava com uma grande dor de cabeça... e estava carente. Eu estou sem saber o que fazer há um bom tempo... eu me pergunto porque algumas coisas são como são, e eu às vezes me sinto uma criatura deveras incompreendida. Ainda parece que a minha natureza permanece incompreendida mesmo por aqueles mais próximos de...

I feel like I couldn't take this anymore... but I keep going, ' cause I know it'll be there in the end? Can life be like that for it's whole time? Can some human take it all? I was used to think different... I thought that no pain could last forever, that maybe no one would deserve that.

But I was used to think that everybody had power against one own mind... and it is a lie! A fuckin' lie... It is the most difficult path to run, domesticate our own mind. I'm sad because my painful feelings are just an illusion, but I can avoid them... They have no reason, but I create them and keep my life miserable. I feel like a fuckin' emo. And I'm not... I have just one wish, to be happy, to accomplish things for a better world, to make people I love feel better about themselves. And I try hard to make it through, but I can't keep it from myself. I want to cry, I want to be revolted, berserk... why all these...

Snow on the Sahara
                         Enigma/Anggun

Only tell me that you still want me here
When you wander off out there
To those hills of dust and hard winds that blow
In that dry white ocean alone
Lose out in the desert
Ou are lost out in the desert

But to stand with you in a ring of fire
Ill forget the days gone by
Ill protect your body and guard your soul
From mirages in your sight

Lost out in the desert
You are lost out in the desert

If your hopes scatter like the dust across your track
Ill be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may blind our eyes, Ill pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the sahara

Just a wish and I will cover your shoulders
With veils of silk and gold
When the...

... is night out there. It´s warm, and I can see stars in the big city sky.

But they can look just cold and distant as I look to today. To my day, to my life... to good things happening, but they are so confuse! Why do I have to feel like this? Better... why do I have to do the things I do!? Why I´m always making my life more confuse and exciting walking on territories I don´t know? Why I have this morbid curiosity about being as happy as a human being can be?

Unfair... and yet delicious.

I´m delighted to say, and yet blaming the fact that I can´t blame no one else for that, that I´m living the way I want to. Even if it´s not easy sometimes...

I kissed you again yesterday. What´s going on after all? Why are you back now? Why have you said that you like me? What do you want this time? You know I´ll always have feelings for you, you´re cute, you´re special......

Ah, meu Deus, eu não tenho uma folga?

Ah, já estou cansada, muito cansada, e me sentindo sem saída! Faço, eu faço, eu acredito, eu ajudo... e o que é esse vazio enorme que eu sinto? O que é esse beco sem saída que eu me encontrei, meu Deus, não é possível que seja sempre assim! Simplesmente, não é possível! Respostas, respostas... porquê? Porquê?

Eu quero ver! Quero ver que onde estou estou fazendo alguma diferença. Falta só a sensação de conforto, é coisa que eu não tenho há meses... não há para onde correr... the ghost is powerless and the desert is colder and silent... and so gray, it was never like that.

This time, no beats... no purples, no greens... almost no hope. Missing feeling, missing strenght, missing...

Is tonight the night?

Maybe it´ll be... I don´t know. Two reasons... one, is because I´m thinking completely different... I think that it´ll be just ok, just regular outdoor dancing. And two... they said something about a lunnar eclipse... and I do know that this kinda moon thing affect me right in the spot.

And three... because I saw something about me, about my energy, abou my yin side, and about how things run on my body... the way things flow. And, more than anything, I saw what I really want for a part of my life. And I think that that will make everything different... and today will be the taster. I feel more free... I can be like that.

Mas é claro que eu preferia ir a uma rave... queria que o teste fosse no meu ambiente livre, ao ar livre, o vento, as árvores... a lua lá em cima... o mainstream, sabe? E você esquece tudo o que se passa ao redor, esquece as...

ooooohhhh... my.

I feel addicted! I feel sickly needed... whenever I look I feel it, like some kind of an weird energy flowing in my body... I don´t want to sleep, eat or work, I just wanna do it. It flows... when I think of it, everything flows, everything is possible... and yet I resist. I shouldn´t but I do, and now I´m very close to find out why...

But I´m so fuckin´ happy because I feel something so mine, so me, and I so live this feeling that I want to send everything else to fuck off... I want to send everybody that judges, that pisses off, that complain, that is in a bad mood... the ones that are fuckin´ conforable in their ignorances, the ones that blame everybody else for their mysery, the ones that don´t take wht it gets. The feared ones, the unthankful ones, go away, this is my perfect world! Here I can do everything I want to, and nobody can say one thing about it... here I fly, I...

Hej... that´s me again.

E hoje posso dizer que, bem... estou feliz. Um feliz que eu chamaria de tranquilo, sabe, não aquela euforia psy que às vezes eu me sinto, quando dirijo ouvindo meu iPod ou algo assim. Mas uma felicidade que eu poderia chamar de real.

É que algumas coisas importantes fizeram sentido hoje. E ainda estão levando outros elos com ela, me fazendo entender uma porção de coisas. Mais que isso... estão me fazendo acreditar em coisas que eu nunca acreditei realmente antes, que eu nunca vi para mim mesma apesar de saber o quão bacanas elas são. Apesar de desejá-las sinceramente para todos os que amo.

Mas por mais triste que esse passado tenha sido, eu só quero olhar para frente... eu senti que me libertei mais um pouco, e mais uma parte daquela carga, daquela culpa... que não é minha... se foi. Um pouco do que eu vivia...

Well... I have nothing to write about.

I guess things are kinda weird now, kinda dark.
 
I don´t feel like writing at all, but I know I should... "It´ll do some good", I think. But I cannot see the deep of my actions. I don´t have situations to compare, I don´t have references... I feel like floating in a dark emptyness, a nowhere downtempo land. I feel the cold breeze over my skin, my sensitive skin... it is reflecting everything that lies inside. Everybody sees. I don´t care... I woke up this morning with no will to stand up, to make things work, I just wanted to sleep, to dream, to forget.And yet I want it.

And yet I question it... and I can see that the thing that burns within my spirit is still there, still alive... and then I remember that the cold breeze, I can feel it... than, I´m alive. At least I´m alive. Even when the pain cames to physic, it´ll...